glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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