Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
