They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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