sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
