I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
