Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize