so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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