how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
