I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
