my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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