i need an iv and a liver transplant
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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