I will die if light touches me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
