You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
