Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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