you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
