Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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