All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize