Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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