Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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