The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
