Hey man sorry I got all grabby
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
