And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
