I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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