ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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