I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
