so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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