i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
