I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize