Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
