I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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