Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
