They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
