fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
