Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
