She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
