I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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