Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
