you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
