im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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