i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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