dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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