Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
