Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
