I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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