You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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