Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Houston, we have a blender
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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