see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
