So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
