im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
