I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
