is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
