my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
