wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
