your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
