I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
