some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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