I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize