I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize