Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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