Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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