The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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