Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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