Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
