I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize