Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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